


It Escaped My Mind

by MistyBeethoven



Series: "Yes, I Really Am This Pathetic!" or "How to Say I Love You With a Story" [64]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game), Keanu Reeves - Fandom
Genre: Anger, Arasaka - Freeform, BBW, Cats, Comedy, Crushes, Cybernetics, Decisions, Escape, F Bombs, F/M, Funko POPS!, Groupies, Hands, Horny guy, Keanu Reeves - Freeform, Loneliness, Meta, Metafiction, Mind Palace, Missing Persons, Musicians, Not Exactly a Love Story, Overweight, POV Third Person, Pity, Rockerboy, Science Fiction, Second Thoughts, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Sex Talk, Sex is persuasive, Smiles, Unrequited Crush, Waiting, Waiting Rooms, Weird Fluff, Weirdness, Writers, bad language, characters, doors, wants to get laid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:29:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25935958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: Johnny Silverhand waits in a strange room, filled with an odd assortment of men, believing that Arasaka has finally managed to catch and detain him. However, when he discovers the truth from a big girl in a pink suit, it is even more unsettling than he ever expected...
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Alt Cunningham, Johnny Silverhand/Me
Series: "Yes, I Really Am This Pathetic!" or "How to Say I Love You With a Story" [64]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589944
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	It Escaped My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> I had to do this...
> 
> Sorry.

Johnny Silverhand sat in the weird, window and door less, maroon colored waiting room surrounded by several suspicious but vaguely familiar looking individuals. They all possessed dark hair in varying degrees of lengths and small brown eyes but seemed oddly the same and yet strangely different. To name a few, there was a teenager looking as if he was ready to head over to his fucking prom, where he probably hoped to get fucked, a cop who looked both crooked and weary, a strange kid with a weird hair style, a lawyer type guy in boots that once had slithered on the ground and a dude close to his own age but whom was dressed for colder weather.

In Silverhand's opinion they were all wusses without a single cybernetic appendage and more suited for elevator music than his tear your fuckin' head off rock and roll. Which struck this off being a meeting for Universal Music, unless they'd really gone downhill.

The next option was that this was all some nefarious plot by Arasaka. Damn, fucking bastards! Wasn't bad enough that they had taken Alt from him; they had to stick him in some weird room with a bunch of strange clones and leave him wondering what the shit was going on.

When a door opened to his side and an unassuming roly poly chick in a pale pink suit, with skirt, came out, everyone looked both embarrased and hopeful to see her except for him. Johnny watched her out of the corner of his eyes and from behind his shades but didn't so much as turn his head to glance at her. The woman called his name in a meek little voice and Johnny thought that Arasaka was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for personnel these days. She was okay, but more like a face in the crowd at one of his concerts with the Samurai than a member of a motherfucking corporation. Taking a closer look at her face and attire, Johnny Silverhand quickly revised his previous thought: she wouldn't even fit in at one of his stadium rocking concerts. Girl was too meek and mild. She wasn't even wearing makeup for fuck's sake!

"Umm...Johnny? Could you please come and see me?" she asked, looking straight at him.

"Got me confused with someone else, sister," he stated, folding his arms, one biological and one mechanical, and trying to look oblivious.

"No," she said kindly. "I've already tackled most of the other characters named John: Point Break, Constantine, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Johnny Mneumonic, Much Ado About Nothing, John Wick...Besides, you're the only one here with a silver hand."

Damnit, Johnny Silverhand thought to himself; that always gave him away sooner or later.

"This won't take too long," she said kindly, resting a soft hand on his shoulder. Although he wouldn't admit it to the other guys in the band, it felt kind of nice resting there. She had a nice touch.

"Okay," he stated, standing up and shaking her hand off from him. "Let's get this over with."

He followed her into the room, looking brazenly at the full ass below her long, curly, auburn-brown tresses, because his glasses would hide the fact and he might as well. He fidn't give a rat's dick if Arasaka caught him sexually harrassing one of its employees. They'd already taken from him the only thing he loved besides his music. They could go fuck themselves and their gang of corporate lawyers, one whom seemed to be still sitting in the waiting room in his eye catching boots.

The office was cluttered. On the wall was a sign which read, "I used to think that people who wore glasses were smart; now I know that they just have poor eyesight." There were Funkos and comic books, books, DVDs, VHSs, posters, snowmen, crosses, Bibles and devotionals and stuffed toys. It was the strangest place he'd ever seen and he'd been everywhere in Night City.

"I just called you in here to apologize," she said, her widely spaced, pretty, gray-green eyes wide and sorrowful as she sat behind a desk littered with papers. "I haven't gotten to you yet and it looks like I won't until after your game is released in November. I'm so sorry."

Girl was crazy. Absolutely nuts.

" _Game?_ " he stated, leaning across her desk, the chain around his neck and medals hitting its surface. "You think this is some kind of _game_?" He brought his cybernetic hand down on the desk, sending some of the papers flying. "I'm not about to let your shitty little employers at Arasaka get away with taking Alt Cunningham from me! NEVER! FUCKING WELL _NEVER_!"

She remained surprisingly calm and eyed him with the same sympathy. "This isn't Arasaka," the woman stated.

He eyed her suspiciously. "You pulling my leg? Cuz that thing's real baby and you might end up pulling something else instead when you're down there. Easy mistake to make."

She shook her head and her cheeks turned a shade to match the room he had just left. "No. I'm being truthful. My name is Erin. I don't work for Arasaka. I'm a writer. You're in my mind and sitting in that waiting room until I finally get around to posting a story with you to AO3. You see, I'm writing fanfics featuring the characters of an actor called Keanu Reeves and myself."

Johnny Silverhand's mouth fell open in dread. The woman was even crazier than he suspected.

"These are all the stories!" she said in excitement and pride as she touched the papers scattered on the desk before her and Johnny's eyes dropped to them, aghast. "I've handled 50 characters so far!"

The Rockerboy picked up one sheet of paper and read it. "You tackled a character from a Paula Abdul music video before you got to me?"

"I had to!" she exclaimed. "They keep postponing your release! I can't write a decent fic until I know more about you, the atmosphere of the whole thing and your storyline."

Johnny Silverhand found his anger was not dissipating. He still hadn't a clue what the shit she was spewing on about meant but, whatever the bullshit was, it was wounding his rock star ego. "But the Black's Photography _Photographer_? The Coca Cola _Biker_? The Corn Flakes _Waiter_?"

"I know, but I love those guys too," Erin argued, hugging some papers close to her heart. "If Keanu Reeves hadn't done those roles, why, you wouldn't be standing here!"

"WHO THE FUCK IS KEANU REEVES?" Johnny Silverhand demanded.

The woman swallowed heavily and looked down sadly. "The one person I want to meet but never will. And I won't ever write a story with him because I don't want to put words or thoughts inside his mouth or head that don't belong there. But his fictional characters are okay. That I can do."

Seeing how crazy the girl was, Johnny thought that was probably good for whomever the hell this Keanu Reeves was.

"I write them as they come to me," she continued. "Poor Tom Ludlow's been sitting out there for ages! I keep trying to think of some plot for him: I witness a crime and he has to protect me...I'm filing a complaint at the station...Something! But I can't get it going past that stage yet because other characters keep butting in front. But I pictured cuddling in bed with him the other morning, his big upper arms around me, and that made my brain feel better."

Erin smiled at him happily, remembering her daydream.

"So I get let out when you get the balls to write me a fucking story with you?" Johnny asked, deciding to play to her delusion in an attempt to be set free and hoping he could inspire, or bully her somehow, to just write a tale regardless of her lack of atmosphere and " _information_."

"Yes but..."

"But what?"

"I hope it will be okay. I kind of prefer the steampunk aesthetic to the cyberpunk one. I like the Victorian clothes, corsets, hats etc...And then there's your girlfriend..."

"What about her?" he asked defensively.

Erin met his eyes. "I'm kind of upset at her. And you too for being with someone like that! She looks like a porno queen! And wiki told me she used a lot of money on plastic surgery to look beautiful. That's gross and, honestly, a mental illness of some kind; one akin to anorexia. Her having a golden cyberarm to match your silver one is cool, and your tragic love story, but she pissed me off and made me disappointed in you, on top of it all. Even though I still preordered your POPS! from Amazon."

"My dead girlfriend pissed you off?" Johnny asked in shock again.

"Yes," Erin said with a nod. "Frankly it serves her right that she lost her body and got sucked into a computer or whatnot. She didn't respect it anyway. Might as well lose it to teach her a lesson!"

"You judgemental, jealous little twat! That's it!" Johnny Silverhand exclaimed and turned to leave, offering her his silver finger. "I'm fucking well outta here!"

"Maybe I _am_ jealous," Johnny heard Erin say behind him. "But I'm real, at least. I didn't waste money on some illusion. But you can leave if you want to. You're probably right. Why would you want to be in a story with me when you have someone like Alt Cunningham anyway, even if she is a computer ghost and mostly fake."

Johnny Silverhand turned to look at her. The chubbette looked so sad and lonely. Probably why she was writing all those fics. She was just a shy girl with a really bad crush. He was about to say something to make her feel better but then stopped. That would make him a good guy.

And in his world there were no good guys.

Besides, it might all be passive aggressive bullshit.

"I don't need this," he spat at her. "I've got people spray painting 'Where's Johnny?' on walls! You can do that too, if you like, after you kiss my ass goodbye."

She looked at him sadly but then said one word after blowing a soft and slow kiss in the direction of his butt.

"Goodbye."

Johnny Silverhand burst out of the room and stared at the waiting room filled with the poor lost souls of celluloid characters all waiting to be dedicated a story to by a madwoman. Why, he even saw now a orange cat in a fucking do rag licking itself proudly in a chair.

"Messed up bitch," Silverhand mumbled as he quickly looked for an escape route.

And then he saw it. A door in the corner of the room with a sign above it which read **"It Escaped My Mind."** Why he never had seen it before only vaguely bothered him. It was there now and that was all that mattered. All he needed to do was go to it, walk through the blasted thing and get the hell out of there; then he could go back to his music, finding Alt's digital presence and taking down Arasaka.

"See ya losers," Johnny said, running his silver fingers under his chin, as he walked down the aisle of men that he now knew looked familiar because they all shared his face.

Except for the cat.

Cursing he stomped towards the door and thought he could almost hear a vacuum on the other side of the door. His silver hand was about to grab the silver knob on the rectangular piece of wood, the one which was separating him from his freedom, when his mind instantly went to his own knob.

_"You might end up pulling something else instead when you're down there..."_

And she might have.

He had caught a few tags for the stories written on the desk: oral, anal, rimming, urolagnia, scat, titty fucks. Coming up soon was Church sex and Altar sex.

She had _handled_ most of the other characters in very interesting ways. And that hand on his shoulder had felt nice.

Not to mention that sensual farewell kiss aimed at his ass.

Big girl was kinky and dirty despite that innocent and sweet, shy demeanor. And his dick was getting awfully lonely without Alt these days to attend to it. It could be fun. Even if she was a mess. He had nothing better to do or no _one_ for that matter. What Alt didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Plus it would be nice to fuck somebody that wasn't trying to watch her own reflection in both their metal arms whenever he pounded into her. And he _was_ curious about what those pretty green-gray eyes would look like when he blew her little screwed up mind.

Johnny Silverhand turned around, passing the still waiting wusses and just hoping he wouldn't end up in with a G or T rated fic like some other pussyless dicks had gotten.

Erin came out again shortly after he had sat back down in his chair.

When she saw him still sitting there, she looked shocked at first but then offered him a grateful, bright and sweet smile.

"Nothing better to do," he stated. "No other groupies around."

"I understand," she whispered softly before looking at the guy in the fancy ass suit with his dark hair slicked back. "Kevin Lomax...You're up next. I thought I'd wait until Halloween or September 2nd but I'm turning your story into a multi chapter deal so it's best to do it now."

The cop dude (Tom Ludlow?) quietly swore while Kevin Lomax rose to his feet, looking vainly smug. "Of course. I don't lose! I win! I win! That's my job, that's what I do!" the lawyer said confidently and walked into the office in his snakeskin boots, smiling a grin both devilish and yet still somehow innocent.

Johnny Silverhand gave him the silver finger as well and then sat patiently in the waiting room for his turn to come around, a new song coming up inside his head about what he could do with a big girl's mouth, besides just making her smile with it.  
.

**Author's Note:**

> That's right...
> 
> Kevin Lomax and the Devil's Advocate up next in this series...


End file.
